Love is love is love

Love is love is love

Love is inexplicable. 

You love a song, a book, a hobby, a place, a person. 

Yes you can explain in great details why you love them, the most technical analytical way.

But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the feeling, the sensation inside your body they have given you. the chill and the joy you feel when you think about them or best,  experience them. 

There is this exhilarating joy you don’t even know where it comes from. But you feel it and it is real to you. You don’t even know how to describe it exactly to anyone else, but certainly those who have experienced that feeling would understand it in their own way.

There is also this true sense of pure contentment about life. You feel complete and whole. You feel life is so great, and you are invincible. You never feel so alive before. Now you know how to live for the first time.

You find love is real, even the finding seems unreal to you. You live in a paradise right now you never knew it existed.

Suddenly everything is perfect and nothing can get to you. You are just so happy and content you don’t even bother to have a small cringe on your face. You just can’t.

Your mouth is in the constant state of curling up. Somehow it doesn’t know how to curl down at its two corners anymore. You are simply too happy to do so.

Your heart is pure and its in its right place. It’s calm and it’s passionate and its full and its clear. Mostly it’s beating as hard as it has ever been. It’s alive!

Love is love is love is love is love.  It is explicable and it is inexplicable.

Namaste.

SelfWonder

“Where do you want to be in five years?”

“Where do you want to be in five years?”

It is a decent legitimate question, and a question that I ask myself from time to time, often replacing the number “five” with “three” or “ten”.

Suddenly, it dawns on me that, the question I should ask myself is, 

“Where do I want to be in my life years?”

The question is not about three or five or ten years anymore. It is about the lifetime, the lifetime ahead that is left for me. 

The direction for that answer becomes completely different. 

It is not with whom I want to be right now. It is with whom I want to be for my life, the person who would add value and color to my life, which would become bigger, brighter and with more substance. 

It is not with whom I can have fun right now, rather it is the person with whom I can have long term fun and adventure with. 

It is not what I can do to make a living right now, but, the kind of work I can make good living and at the same time spend my life adding value to and feeling joy with myself and others.

It is not where I want to be for five years anymore, rather, it is a space and a community in which I can be the person I want to be, with that person I can be with, and that work I can do in the long run. 

It is not the life I want to be in for now, but the lifestyle I can live with freely, joyfully, positively and with the least restraint and constraint I can have. 

I appreciate your thoughts on this if any.

With gratitude,

Self Wonder

Sex (sex sex sex sex).

Yes, I want to write about sex.

Why are people so afraid of bringing the topic up? Can they actually discussing it like some freaking sensible adults?

Instead they sneak behind one another’s back and do it “in secret”.

What is wrong with people? Can they grow up and talk about it like it is stock market or diet? Maybe they would do it better and get it done more if so.

Anyhow, I start to feel like I am going to hate sex, even I love(d) it.

I hate it for how people treat it.

I hate how people manipulate each other for the wrong reason to get it done,

Like the man pretends to loves her so that she would have sex with him,

Like the woman does it to please the man even she doesn’t want to do it that time,

Like people stay in a relationship just to have sex regularly, even the sex is not good,

Like people just do it without even knowing how to do it well and enjoy it.

It is the same way people treat relationship and marriage,

Or friendship and family,

Or work,

Or themselves.

They never take it seriously.

They never take themselves seriously enough to know who they are and what they really wants. I mean, what they really wants.

“What do you want me to do to you?” “What do you want in this relationship?” “What do you want out of this experience/connection/work?”

Most do not know what they want, and they never ask for exactly the way they want it.

They do it ok, and they go for ok.

I just can’t do it. I just can’t take it. What the hell is “ok”??

And do I have to be positive and energetic smily all the time? I don’t want and like to be negative, but sometimes I just am not in the mood to be all smily and cheerful, I just want to be neutral and stay inert. I don’t want to have to take care of others’ feelings and entertain people all the time. I don’t want to be rude, but maybe, when I say I am sick and I need rest, you can just bugger off somewhere else automatically and swiftly without me telling you to?

Time to retrieve. “Sign out”.

Totally neutral and inert,

SelfWonder x

 

 

 

 

 

It’s time to stop running.

Fight for what you want.

Not because for anyone.

But for yourself.

Understand sometimes, when you love someone, it doesn’t mean you stay with him/her.

Understand sometimes, it means you set him/her free exactly because you love him/her and want him/her to be truly happy.

Understand sometimes, there are circumstances that are out of your control and you just have to accept the way they are. And be okay with it.

Loving someone does not mean you stay with that someone forever.

Truly loving someone means you do what is best for that someone, even if it hurts you to the core. But you still do it because of that love you share/d.

Accept that there is not always happiness.

And that true happiness includes occasional sorrow.

There is no joy without pain.

Deal with it. Accept it.

Know that everything is permanently impermanent.

Enjoy the permanence while you are at it.

Love when you can. Live when you can. Fully, contentedly, purposefully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am glad I was abused.

I was trashed to the bottom.

I was called “stupid”, I was told “worthless”, I thought I was ugly.

For the longest time I thought I really was good for nothing and no one, not even for myself.

Who the hell was I? I was nobody. Even later in my life people had been telling me how great I was, I didn’t believe in them.

Because I didn’t believe in ME.

With years of working with myself, working through the past, understanding how I really was, I knew, I knew I was great.

Yet, sometimes, I went back to thinking, hmm maybe I was not.

But not anymore now. I am done.

And I am truly glad that I had a horrible scarred past.

I am glad that I was abused and hurt deeply.

You know why?

Because, what didn’t kill me did make me stronger.

I have done my work with my past.

I have become increasingly resilient.

I bounce back quicker and quicker from downfall.

I shut down enemies’ unsubstantiated attack , fake friends’ deceitful concern, and liars’ tempting lures.

I know my worth, my strength, my ability, and my purpose.

If you are at the state of self-doubt/lost/unsure of yourself, your life or your purpose, watch this movie. I am sure you are not as bad as where she was.

Ok, maybe you are not as intelligent as she is, or you don’t want to go to Harvard (!), but you know, you have been given LIFE, and what it will turn out from now on is up to YOU. And you are the one who can make a GREAT LIFE ahead. There is plenty of TIME for you to live a purposeful, wonderful life for YOURSELF.

So please, again, watch the whole movie. Have some patience to watch through especially the beginning, which is a little slow, but important, as you can have (if only) a little taste of what she had gone through in her childhood.

I hope to be as resilient as Liz is.

Peace, people,

Self Wonder x

 

The No! and YES! to the new quarter of 2015

The No! first (say BYE to the last quarter and all the wrongs behind)- ended as of March 31, 2015 :

1. Fuck love. (the fake ones anyway)

2. Fuck men. (or more appropriately, they can go fuck themselves, those ungrateful bastards)

3. Fuck those selfish, life sucking, grumpy, non-supportive, take-you-for-granted people. (and that can include family)

4. Fuck men you fucked before who were too stupid and egoistic enough to see that you were the best thing ever happened to them. They can now really go fuck themselves (coz you are not there anymore, and yes, it seems redundant as no.2, but I am still going to repeat this).

5. Fuck stress and anger.

6. Fuck boredom and emotion.

7. Fuck being poor and worried about $$$.

8. Fuck being disorganized and lost in life (all aspects: personal, work, financial, diet etc).

9. Fuck not supporting yourself and love yourself (coz you totally deserve to be supported and loved).

10. Fuck being a chick shit and fear of taking risk.

THE MOST INTERESTING WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE… :

And now to the YES!!! to a new beautiful positive fun awesome life – starting as of April 1 2015 which is TODAY! :

1. ME: Love Me. Me. Me.

2. Business. $$$.

3. Adventure. Wherever life takes me.

4. Health (all aspects). FUN.

5. Live my life, like I have never lived before.

6. Love. (if I ever find it, I know contradictory to the top 1, so I have reservations on this point).

7. True friends. Form a trust circle with them.

8. Create something that is larger than life: Art.

9. Create something that is larger than my life: Helping people and change the world for the better. Create jobs for others. bring them education. Bring them freedom.

10. Always. Always. Be True to myself.

Take a break and keep going.

Sometimes. Life is hard. We stumble. We fall. We fail. We cry. We sleep. We lay awake. But, we have to continue. Because, if you stop, there will be nothing else tomorrow. Besides, you never know what lies ahead. And it can be something absolutely beautiful and amazing.

Keep going. You never know what lies ahead.

“I am Proud of You.”

I’ve been waiting for my whole life. To hear that line.

To feel, to understand, to be appreciated.

Sometimes I feel, I don’t need it. I don’t need anyone’s approval.

What am I, a four-year-old child? A pet?

At times I feel, I don’t need anyone anymore. I can live off on a remote island, in the countryside alone, or some monastery, being religious, devoted fully to God and all.

But I also understand, I need connection.

I, however tough that I am, however independent that I am, I, do need people.

People to love, people to be in love with, people to love one another.

That is what life is worth living for.

We all, need that connection in life.

No one is an island.

So, no matter where you are, how you are doing, what situation you are in, how you are feeling.

I want you to know, that I, am absolutely proud of you.

I am proud of who you are, what you have gone through and still are staying strong.

I am proud of you, even at times you feel you cannot keep going on, you still try to hang in there, that even you might numb yourself at night with whatever means you get to and are comfortable with, you still wake up in the next morning/day, try to be someone, try to make something of yourself. You still try to work hard and be the best for those around you, especially for those you are close to. Because you know, deep inside, you want to show them that you care about them, that they would still stand up every day and try to make the best out of themselves no matter how tough the situation they are in.

It’s called “pay it forward.”

Because, when you try to be tough and caring for someone else, you also gain another day to live.

Helping others helps yourself. It’s that simple.

So today, get out there, and help others. Focus on other people, especially when you feel like you can’t keep going on.

When you focus on helping others, you feel good. And then you understand, even when you feel you are absolutely helpless/worthless, you, are enough. You are important to others. And you know that deep inside you. You only need to be reminded. By focusing on others.

So today, no matter how terrible you got knocked down yesterday. You get back up. And you go out there, and be who you want to be.

Because you my Friend, are worth it.

And I your Friend, am proud of you. Absolutely, 100% proud of you.

Peace out. Namaste.

Be good to yourself. Be proud. And be strong.

What matters most…

Everyday is the day to make that change, to become the person you always want to be.

The day is today.

Seize every chance you get. Take it. And do it.

Make every minute count. Live every day as if it’s the last day of your life. You don’t know how long your life would last. Don’t leave anything undone and any words unsaid.

The moment is now.

Make it happen.

Do it now. Say it now.

Make it NOW.

The Intrinsic Value of Life

Life is boundless as much as you make of it! It’s an open road ahead of you! Walk on and keep going towards your dream!!

What is the intrinsic value of life? I think it’s love. And I am not talking about romantic love only. I am talking about love and respect for each other, be compassionate to the mankind and other living creatures on Earth in general.
I long for joining a community in which the inhabitants are genuine, loving and caring, and they embrace each other with open and pure hearts with no reservation, that they do not live their lives and what they should own or have according to the rules the majorities and the materialistic world out there say and set. The only rule they have is to keep an open mind and share love with one another. Not even the most expensive materialistic thing in this world can ever be more precious than this ever.

I know I might sound like a dreamer living in the Fantasyworld (is that why people-not just kids but also adults- love the Disneyland so much? Perhaps they should create one there!), but really I think a lot of people out there are refused to love and stick to cheating and lying not because they do not want to love or be loved, rather they had loved and been burnt by love to the extent that they would not want to take the risk of experiencing that awfully painful feeling all over again.

I understand that feeling perfectly. I’ve been there and done that. I sometimes swear to myself that I would not fall in love with anyone ever again. Why bother to fall in it and fall back out again? What a waste of time and energy!

But then, when I see my family, when I spend time with my niece, I feel, loved and I want to, love. Watching a child rejoice at a smallest matter is the most wondrous heart-warming pleasure one can ever experience. Every time after I hanged out with my niece or other small children I don’t know well at some volunteering workplace- whether it be running around in the playground or teaching them how to write – I just feel marvelous and rejuvenated yet again. They have that spark in their eyes that speak of dreams and hopes. It’s like having a sip of the holy water from the fountain of life that I regain the youthful strength to continue with yet another week of challenge. The love for a child is such a powerful reminder in life.

Let us embrace Life and Love fully together this week, wherever you might be in any part of the world!