“Where do you want to be in five years?”

“Where do you want to be in five years?”

It is a decent legitimate question, and a question that I ask myself from time to time, often replacing the number “five” with “three” or “ten”.

Suddenly, it dawns on me that, the question I should ask myself is, 

“Where do I want to be in my life years?”

The question is not about three or five or ten years anymore. It is about the lifetime, the lifetime ahead that is left for me. 

The direction for that answer becomes completely different. 

It is not with whom I want to be right now. It is with whom I want to be for my life, the person who would add value and color to my life, which would become bigger, brighter and with more substance. 

It is not with whom I can have fun right now, rather it is the person with whom I can have long term fun and adventure with. 

It is not what I can do to make a living right now, but, the kind of work I can make good living and at the same time spend my life adding value to and feeling joy with myself and others.

It is not where I want to be for five years anymore, rather, it is a space and a community in which I can be the person I want to be, with that person I can be with, and that work I can do in the long run. 

It is not the life I want to be in for now, but the lifestyle I can live with freely, joyfully, positively and with the least restraint and constraint I can have. 

I appreciate your thoughts on this if any.

With gratitude,

Self Wonder

Something Profound.

Today I yearn for something profound.

As I find everyone is just so shallow. Or at least the way s/he is living in. But hey, if s/he chooses to do so, that really means s/he is shallow because s/he cannot care less one way or other? Doesn’t really think about living his/her life to the fullest? Or at least doing/feeling something meaningful or purposeful? Something more deep and … profound? – I just don’t know what other word to use than this. “Profound” is simply, profound. And I just want to be, in awe with it.

And I am not even smoking anything. Absolutely nothing. Maybe I would feel better smoking something. But I don’t really.

Tonight I watched a movie called “Boy meets Girl”. Hey, before you want to judge me, it is not the kind of cheesy movie you are thinking of. I mean, it was a little profound. Or at least, thought-provoking. And I just feel, a tiny bit, just a tiny weeny tinny bit, like the transvestite. Not that I am or want to be one. Ever. I really don’t think so, or have every fantasized of becoming one. Nope. A woman’s body is too precious and beautiful to be ruined by a phallic symbol  (and two disgusting sagging balls on the loose like two Adam’s apples dangling at the neck of a cock, I mean a rooster), seriously.

I just felt (feel), misunderstood.

Anyhow, I still yearn for something profound. I don’t exactly know what it is. Perhaps something spiritual, or something bigger than the human kind. Anyhow, human is shit. Seriously. There is nothing more disgusting and evil than the human race, I can assure you on that one. Doesn’t mean all humans are foul. No, because obviously, you are so very kind to be reading my post right now that, you must be a very sweet and generous person, right? Hahaha… 😀

Okay, I am going to bed. Peace out.

SelfWonder x

P.S. I DO like my name, don’t y’all?

The No! and YES! to the new quarter of 2015

The No! first (say BYE to the last quarter and all the wrongs behind)- ended as of March 31, 2015 :

1. Fuck love. (the fake ones anyway)

2. Fuck men. (or more appropriately, they can go fuck themselves, those ungrateful bastards)

3. Fuck those selfish, life sucking, grumpy, non-supportive, take-you-for-granted people. (and that can include family)

4. Fuck men you fucked before who were too stupid and egoistic enough to see that you were the best thing ever happened to them. They can now really go fuck themselves (coz you are not there anymore, and yes, it seems redundant as no.2, but I am still going to repeat this).

5. Fuck stress and anger.

6. Fuck boredom and emotion.

7. Fuck being poor and worried about $$$.

8. Fuck being disorganized and lost in life (all aspects: personal, work, financial, diet etc).

9. Fuck not supporting yourself and love yourself (coz you totally deserve to be supported and loved).

10. Fuck being a chick shit and fear of taking risk.

THE MOST INTERESTING WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE… :

And now to the YES!!! to a new beautiful positive fun awesome life – starting as of April 1 2015 which is TODAY! :

1. ME: Love Me. Me. Me.

2. Business. $$$.

3. Adventure. Wherever life takes me.

4. Health (all aspects). FUN.

5. Live my life, like I have never lived before.

6. Love. (if I ever find it, I know contradictory to the top 1, so I have reservations on this point).

7. True friends. Form a trust circle with them.

8. Create something that is larger than life: Art.

9. Create something that is larger than my life: Helping people and change the world for the better. Create jobs for others. bring them education. Bring them freedom.

10. Always. Always. Be True to myself.

A New Beginning

It’s just the fifth day of the new year. And I have already made some dramatic decisions. I really have decided solidly this time and stick to them this year. I hope it will help me achieve what I want myself and my life to be.


Forget about whatever happened in the past. Not just 2014. But the whole past. Leave anything you don’t want behind. And move forward. There is no better time than now, today, this very hour, this very minute. Take charge of your life and make yourself happy. Let others who want to make you happy come into your life. And let go of those who don’t. Because you deserve to be happy. Because you deserve the very best out of your precious beautiful wonderful life.


“It’s just the fifth day of the new year. ”
And it’s funny. I can also put it in another way:
“It’s already the fifth day of the new year.”
So I guess it depends on how you look at things. Or life.


Happy new year to you all, even it is just/already the fifth day of it. I wish you all have a wonderful year ahead full of beautiful adventure and surprises filled with happiness, wonder and Love.


Self Wonder x

Take a break and keep going.

Sometimes. Life is hard. We stumble. We fall. We fail. We cry. We sleep. We lay awake. But, we have to continue. Because, if you stop, there will be nothing else tomorrow. Besides, you never know what lies ahead. And it can be something absolutely beautiful and amazing.

Keep going. You never know what lies ahead.

“I am Proud of You.”

I’ve been waiting for my whole life. To hear that line.

To feel, to understand, to be appreciated.

Sometimes I feel, I don’t need it. I don’t need anyone’s approval.

What am I, a four-year-old child? A pet?

At times I feel, I don’t need anyone anymore. I can live off on a remote island, in the countryside alone, or some monastery, being religious, devoted fully to God and all.

But I also understand, I need connection.

I, however tough that I am, however independent that I am, I, do need people.

People to love, people to be in love with, people to love one another.

That is what life is worth living for.

We all, need that connection in life.

No one is an island.

So, no matter where you are, how you are doing, what situation you are in, how you are feeling.

I want you to know, that I, am absolutely proud of you.

I am proud of who you are, what you have gone through and still are staying strong.

I am proud of you, even at times you feel you cannot keep going on, you still try to hang in there, that even you might numb yourself at night with whatever means you get to and are comfortable with, you still wake up in the next morning/day, try to be someone, try to make something of yourself. You still try to work hard and be the best for those around you, especially for those you are close to. Because you know, deep inside, you want to show them that you care about them, that they would still stand up every day and try to make the best out of themselves no matter how tough the situation they are in.

It’s called “pay it forward.”

Because, when you try to be tough and caring for someone else, you also gain another day to live.

Helping others helps yourself. It’s that simple.

So today, get out there, and help others. Focus on other people, especially when you feel like you can’t keep going on.

When you focus on helping others, you feel good. And then you understand, even when you feel you are absolutely helpless/worthless, you, are enough. You are important to others. And you know that deep inside you. You only need to be reminded. By focusing on others.

So today, no matter how terrible you got knocked down yesterday. You get back up. And you go out there, and be who you want to be.

Because you my Friend, are worth it.

And I your Friend, am proud of you. Absolutely, 100% proud of you.

Peace out. Namaste.

Be good to yourself. Be proud. And be strong.

What matters most…

Everyday is the day to make that change, to become the person you always want to be.

The day is today.

Seize every chance you get. Take it. And do it.

Make every minute count. Live every day as if it’s the last day of your life. You don’t know how long your life would last. Don’t leave anything undone and any words unsaid.

The moment is now.

Make it happen.

Do it now. Say it now.

Make it NOW.

I look forward to a beautiful tomorrow.

Yummy breakfast to look forward to!!




Night falls. It’s time for bed.
A full day of hard work is completed. Still feeling energetic, I know it’s time to go get rest and be ready for tomorrow.

Indeed, recently in the last few days, I’ve been looking forward to go to bed early so that I can wake up the next day feeling energized and refreshed. And for some reason, perhaps healthier/cleaner diet and even more exercises, I feel so much more alive mentally and alert physically throughout the day and do not get tired as easily like I did before.

But I think there is some other reason, and that is I’m starting to have clearer idea of what I want in my life.

For the past year or two, I was merely going through the days instead of living them. Gradually, I was learning to understand what I did not want in life. Now, I am getting to know what I really want for myself in the future, and I am getting totally excited about making it happen, by trying new things and experiences. Of course, I still have my doubts and fear, that at times I just want to stop and quit trying. I have to admit that although I consider myself to be quite a brave person, sometimes I am still a bit scared. I worry about failing. What if it doesn’t work? Won’t I be wasting my time and effort into it? But deep inside I know, I want to keep trying and make it happen, no matter how hard it would be and how much time it might require to get there, I am still willing to see to it.

You know why? Because I only have one life to live. Life is wasted when I spend too much time and effort on how I can do wrong instead of how I can make right, or at least make happen.

So tonight I am grateful for what I’ve done today, that I’ve tried something new and made the most out of the day. Now I shall get rest and look forward to wake up to another beautiful tomorrow.

Have a wonderful day you all! X

At the end of the day, let me just say it one more time, “I love you.”

We can argue all we want. We stop communicating with each other. We swear we don’t want to see each other anymore. We fight, we cry. We point our fingers at each other and yell, screaming at the top of our lungs. “You are so wrong. I hate you!”

But we both know, it’s not true.

We know deep inside, we love each other, very very much. We say the opposite because sometimes we feel hurt and misunderstood. We thought if we accused each other of his/her wrong doings, maybe, just maybe, s/he would understand us that we care, that, we just want to be loved and accepted of who we are.

Love doesn’t come easily. Love hurts. It seems ironic, that we hurt the one we love most, and at the same time we are hurt most by the one we love.

Life is contradictory that way. Love is contradictory that way.

Yet we also know, s/he accepts the way we are and is still there for us no matter how ugly the last fight had been.

So although we felt hurt, misunderstood, stabbed-in-the-heart-kind-of-pain by the other party, we still go back to each other, after one day, one week, one year or more. Because, we know, we love each other deeply no matter what.

So let me tell you one more time, like there is no tomorrow, that, “I love you. I truly do. Please forgive me if I ever hurt you so. And I know, you love me too. We are both blessed to have each other in this life, and we should do everything we can to cherish this love.”

At the end of the day, the only thing that we regret most is not to tell each other how much we love and treasure each other…

At the end of the day, let me just say it one more time, “I love you. I truly do.”

I am Grateful for Everything Happened in My Life, Good or Bad.

LIFE is full of HOPE!

Couple days ago I had a huge revelation. I mean, life-changing kind. And I would like to share with you all here.

I don’t know how many of you have been reading my posts, and how much you might have realized that I had this constant battle between moving on with my past and struggling with it. By “my past” I mean my upbringing, my past relationship with my parents, especially that with my father. I know I know, this topic has been old, but please, bear with me for a while here. I promise this is most likely the last post I would ever write on this topic here.

Like I said in my previous post, I finally came to understanding that I needed to accept who I was. Now, this time it’s really different. During lunch with my parents a couple days back, I suddenly had this idea popped up in my head: I had been so lucky to have all these wonderful things in my life that I didn’t realize! Thanks to my parents, I got to study what I loved, I had the eye-opening chance to study abroad, to travel across countries during my study and with work which was also what I studied and was passionate about, to continue to see this world by making money with my passion, to connect with people of different nationalities and backgrounds as well as to create my own community through learning languages, reading, writing and my work. Why did I think life had been unfair to me? I should be feeling grateful for everything my wonderful parents who came from a poor background had provided me through hard work and perseverance, and above all, through love. I would be such an ungrateful person if I still thought they should have given me more and brought me up differently! I finally accepted that this had always been who I had been, and I was and still am loved by my parents dearly, and that there needed not be anything to be changed whatsoever. And now with all the experiences and knowledge that I have gained from the past, I am fully ready and charged to become the new me. The metamorphosis has begun!

I am grateful for everything happened in my life, whether it be good or bad, joyful or painful. I accept the way it was and I have moved on. I accept that it had made me a better person, equipped me for who I am now, so that I can help and inspire others to let go of their past and transform themselves into better versions of their own!

Now would you all excuse me, but I will have to retreat and create a better version of myself as well, by getting a good night’s rest before the big day tomorrow! (not wedding!)

Ciao for now, enjoy your weekend and above all, enjoy your LIFE, because it’s so precious and beautiful, every minute of it.

Love & Peace, SelfWonder x