Men are so F-ed up.

I mean, seriously. Whenever I ask someone to do some work for me online, even without knowing my gender, they always reply with “dear SIR”. REALLY?!?!? Is it only MEN can pay and ask someone to do work for them? Seriously.

And then they did the work and the drawing was a MAN????? Did they even think it could be a WOMAN doing something great at sports/music/speaking or anything that matters? I think they wouldn’t for example draw someone at a home kitchen a man as the homemaker but at a restaurant a woman as the chef? Right? You see what I am saying here? And then they “bitch” (what should be the word for the men bitching now? Why is it a word “bitch” really? oh well the list goes on, and surely if there is a man reading this he is going, “ok this writer girl is nuts and bitchy” yes?!) about oh why didn’t you tell me exactly what you want? I mean seriously, maybe you should ASK before you draw? What a MAN attitude, they never ask do they?

Fine, I am done with my rant tonight. At least I am getting done, manwhores! (again a very sexist term even related to a woman, should there be an insulting word for man only ? I should start inventing some words exclusively to insult the male gender only without writing … oh wait, “assholes”, “jerks”, “dick” … these are exclusively for men since they are the only ones to be called these terms really, and oh, “prick”, I just used this term today. GREAT WORD to insult a man!

Peace (totally contradictory to the above but anyway),

SelfWonder x

Sex (sex sex sex sex).

Yes, I want to write about sex.

Why are people so afraid of bringing the topic up? Can they actually discussing it like some freaking sensible adults?

Instead they sneak behind one another’s back and do it “in secret”.

What is wrong with people? Can they grow up and talk about it like it is stock market or diet? Maybe they would do it better and get it done more if so.

Anyhow, I start to feel like I am going to hate sex, even I love(d) it.

I hate it for how people treat it.

I hate how people manipulate each other for the wrong reason to get it done,

Like the man pretends to loves her so that she would have sex with him,

Like the woman does it to please the man even she doesn’t want to do it that time,

Like people stay in a relationship just to have sex regularly, even the sex is not good,

Like people just do it without even knowing how to do it well and enjoy it.

It is the same way people treat relationship and marriage,

Or friendship and family,

Or work,

Or themselves.

They never take it seriously.

They never take themselves seriously enough to know who they are and what they really wants. I mean, what they really wants.

“What do you want me to do to you?” “What do you want in this relationship?” “What do you want out of this experience/connection/work?”

Most do not know what they want, and they never ask for exactly the way they want it.

They do it ok, and they go for ok.

I just can’t do it. I just can’t take it. What the hell is “ok”??

And do I have to be positive and energetic smily all the time? I don’t want and like to be negative, but sometimes I just am not in the mood to be all smily and cheerful, I just want to be neutral and stay inert. I don’t want to have to take care of others’ feelings and entertain people all the time. I don’t want to be rude, but maybe, when I say I am sick and I need rest, you can just bugger off somewhere else automatically and swiftly without me telling you to?

Time to retrieve. “Sign out”.

Totally neutral and inert,

SelfWonder x

 

 

 

 

 

I Remember.

The time we had in bed was most beautiful.

It was not just because we were in the act of it.

It was the way you concentrated fully on me. The only time you ever put your whole focus on me. Or least in the act with me.

I could feel your full presence. The only moment, and the most precious moment we had together. I had the whole you with me. And that was most beautiful.

I wish we had more of it. But, still, those moments were truly sensational. Maybe it was just me who felt so much about everything, and you did not even care about it. But, still, they were splendid. For that I must thank you. And I certainly hope you enjoyed them too. Or at least felt something. Something that slightly touched your heart, which is so capable of ….

And I hope you are happy. Go for it, you need it. Find someone else to be happy with, and to …. (I might not be the one whom you thought worth your while to …. but surely there would be someone you could find to do so)

I would recommend you read a book by Osho, called “Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other”. Truly beautiful and insightful book. What a human being Osho was. How intelligent and funny at the same time.

I do still remember…