Love is love is love

Love is love is love

Love is inexplicable. 

You love a song, a book, a hobby, a place, a person. 

Yes you can explain in great details why you love them, the most technical analytical way.

But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the feeling, the sensation inside your body they have given you. the chill and the joy you feel when you think about them or best,  experience them. 

There is this exhilarating joy you don’t even know where it comes from. But you feel it and it is real to you. You don’t even know how to describe it exactly to anyone else, but certainly those who have experienced that feeling would understand it in their own way.

There is also this true sense of pure contentment about life. You feel complete and whole. You feel life is so great, and you are invincible. You never feel so alive before. Now you know how to live for the first time.

You find love is real, even the finding seems unreal to you. You live in a paradise right now you never knew it existed.

Suddenly everything is perfect and nothing can get to you. You are just so happy and content you don’t even bother to have a small cringe on your face. You just can’t.

Your mouth is in the constant state of curling up. Somehow it doesn’t know how to curl down at its two corners anymore. You are simply too happy to do so.

Your heart is pure and its in its right place. It’s calm and it’s passionate and its full and its clear. Mostly it’s beating as hard as it has ever been. It’s alive!

Love is love is love is love is love.  It is explicable and it is inexplicable.

Namaste.

SelfWonder

“Where do you want to be in five years?”

“Where do you want to be in five years?”

It is a decent legitimate question, and a question that I ask myself from time to time, often replacing the number “five” with “three” or “ten”.

Suddenly, it dawns on me that, the question I should ask myself is, 

“Where do I want to be in my life years?”

The question is not about three or five or ten years anymore. It is about the lifetime, the lifetime ahead that is left for me. 

The direction for that answer becomes completely different. 

It is not with whom I want to be right now. It is with whom I want to be for my life, the person who would add value and color to my life, which would become bigger, brighter and with more substance. 

It is not with whom I can have fun right now, rather it is the person with whom I can have long term fun and adventure with. 

It is not what I can do to make a living right now, but, the kind of work I can make good living and at the same time spend my life adding value to and feeling joy with myself and others.

It is not where I want to be for five years anymore, rather, it is a space and a community in which I can be the person I want to be, with that person I can be with, and that work I can do in the long run. 

It is not the life I want to be in for now, but the lifestyle I can live with freely, joyfully, positively and with the least restraint and constraint I can have. 

I appreciate your thoughts on this if any.

With gratitude,

Self Wonder

It’s time to stop running.

Fight for what you want.

Not because for anyone.

But for yourself.

Understand sometimes, when you love someone, it doesn’t mean you stay with him/her.

Understand sometimes, it means you set him/her free exactly because you love him/her and want him/her to be truly happy.

Understand sometimes, there are circumstances that are out of your control and you just have to accept the way they are. And be okay with it.

Loving someone does not mean you stay with that someone forever.

Truly loving someone means you do what is best for that someone, even if it hurts you to the core. But you still do it because of that love you share/d.

Accept that there is not always happiness.

And that true happiness includes occasional sorrow.

There is no joy without pain.

Deal with it. Accept it.

Know that everything is permanently impermanent.

Enjoy the permanence while you are at it.

Love when you can. Live when you can. Fully, contentedly, purposefully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(“) True Love (“)

Yes, sorry but I am being cheesy tonight.

I just watched this beautiful movie called “Love, Rosie”. I mean, I am sure I’ve heard of this film a while ago, and I was going to see it (I think it’s more like my dear Mom asked me to go see it with her!). But somehow, I (and my dear Mom) did not watch it.

Tonight, as I was getting a little moody on my own, I watched it online. And it was thought-provoking to say the least.

I get it. When you met someone when you were younger, how did you know if he or she would be the one already? I mean, at the tender age of freaking five?? Consider yourself lucky ! But then you really would have no idea whatsoever. And when that person had become your best friend ever, the last thing you wanted to do would be to ruin it with what, sudden infatuation and lust? No way!

But then life moved on, time drifted by. Girl met another boy(s), boy met another girl(s). They never met again at the right time and the right place. I do think that happens to people, perhaps even more than one imagines.

After watching this movie though (go figure about the ending if you haven’t watched it), I start to wonder, perhaps I should not (or never) give up/give in to finding that person. In fact, I have the most outrageous experience and feelings recently even I could not believe it would ever happen to me again. I mean, I didn’t think I could feel like that ever again, or if I had ever felt so strongly about someone before. Amazing… Maybe all hopes are not lost after all.

Self Wonder x

Things that I cannot tell you …

…I just have to write them here.

I know I have asked many times recently, if you care about me, our “relationship”, if you actually love me. Etc. Etc. Yes, and you said, I have said it many times and I haven’t changed, you have. To that I admit, yes I did back off quite a bit. And you asked me why, you said I never explain it. I replied I don’t know why… Then I have to keep asking what you want and you just keep telling me to be consistent and think about what I actually want in this…

Now I do know why. I know exactly what happened after you came back.

I lost that vibe with you. Someone else came around. I wasn’t sure about us. I was so stressed with my work that I was completely lost in it. I started to wonder what it was all about. I went away for a few days, and I found myself. In the three days of doing absolutely nothing, no contact with work and you and everyone else, I was rested,  content and serene. I found out I didn’t need anyone. I started to take care of myself. I started to understand myself. I started to truly love myself and accept the way I was, who I really was all along. Nothing in this materialistic world mattered (if ever), no one in this world could give me more love and comfort than I could to myself. I didn’t have to prove my worth with what I could do for others. I didn’t have to be always responsible for others. I had to be responsible to myself first and foremost. I had to take care and love myself first before others. I was liberated, just in those three days.

Okay, that was not entirely true. After I came back, I did a lot of soul searching. I escaped from the normality once a week, to stay away from work and the crowd, to be in touch with the nature, the water, and myself. I was reading fervently, trying to ask questions and understand deeper and deeper about life and my inner self. I was reading, thinking, analyzing, questioning, pondering, feeling, crying, walking, sitting, lying, bathing, swimming, eating, drinking, staying in silence, in the dark…completely alone.

I wanted to spend more time alone, therefore less time with you. I don’t think you understood that at all, why I was hiding from everyone on my day offs. I wanted to have a clear mind. I was also perhaps depressed, and I didn’t want to affect anyone. I knew no one could help me with my questions and my quest, so I stayed alone answering myself at the same time recharging and rejuvenating myself. I was slowly regaining strength and youth back. I looked much more alive and younger. I was getting happier without buying things or achieving more at work. In fact, I started to declutter my place, and see the significant difference in how I felt with more space around me. I needed so much space physically and mentally. I loved that feeling very much.

But I started to question if that would affect my work, which I left unattended after clocking it in basically (as opposed to putting more hours and effort after hours which I had been doing all along). I started to feel maybe this was not that important after all, nothing was that important after all, we were just here for an instant of a lifetime no? Who cared about success and purpose and legacy etc? I could live a very simple life anyway.

I also didn’t care to have a romantic relationship anymore. People changed too easily, unlike the old days, they were so committed to each other, for better or worse to the fact. Nowadays, people can just leave so easily, divorce is nothing new. Then why do we still care about having a “long term relationship” with anyone? Isn’t monogamy a joke? It’s in fact more of a serial monogamy, and if that’s the case (it is for most people), why don’t we have polygamy, polyamory, or open relationship? And maybe stating with a woman is better since men are from Mars and women Venus and they seem to never understand each other anyway? I started to question all of that as well.

I just feel tired of having a relationship. I don’t understand what it is for anymore. Maybe I had too much bad experience in the past that I have lost hope in men/people for that matter (not that I was ever involved with a woman romantically, you know I would admit if I did). Deep down I do not trust anyone. I cannot even trust myself. And if I were you, I wouldn’t have a relationship with me. So what is this all about? I shall be glad if anyone could answer my questions. And I am seriously thinking about celibacy, so that I can focus on gaining knowledge and building my work.

Thoughts anyone?

Love has no boundary

Love is a beautiful flower.

Love has no boundary,
No matter,
Old or young,
Healthy or sick,
Any gender,
Any space,
Any life,
Any object.

Love has no distance,
No matter,
Near or far,
Alive or dead,
It’s present in our heart,
Forever and ever.

Love knows no fear,
Love conquers.
Love stands no lies,
Love trusts.

Love is hope,
Love Is faith,
Love is strong, and
Love is honest.

Love requires openness.
If you want Love,
You must be ready
To receive it with heart and arms wide open.

Get ready to give and receive,
And let your heart be filled,
Full with the sweet nectar of Love,
And let your body be scented,
All over with its enticing fragrance,
That floats amidst the fresh air of the enchanted chamber.

Love has no boundary,
If you are ready, I am here.

The Intrinsic Value of Life

Life is boundless as much as you make of it! It’s an open road ahead of you! Walk on and keep going towards your dream!!

What is the intrinsic value of life? I think it’s love. And I am not talking about romantic love only. I am talking about love and respect for each other, be compassionate to the mankind and other living creatures on Earth in general.
I long for joining a community in which the inhabitants are genuine, loving and caring, and they embrace each other with open and pure hearts with no reservation, that they do not live their lives and what they should own or have according to the rules the majorities and the materialistic world out there say and set. The only rule they have is to keep an open mind and share love with one another. Not even the most expensive materialistic thing in this world can ever be more precious than this ever.

I know I might sound like a dreamer living in the Fantasyworld (is that why people-not just kids but also adults- love the Disneyland so much? Perhaps they should create one there!), but really I think a lot of people out there are refused to love and stick to cheating and lying not because they do not want to love or be loved, rather they had loved and been burnt by love to the extent that they would not want to take the risk of experiencing that awfully painful feeling all over again.

I understand that feeling perfectly. I’ve been there and done that. I sometimes swear to myself that I would not fall in love with anyone ever again. Why bother to fall in it and fall back out again? What a waste of time and energy!

But then, when I see my family, when I spend time with my niece, I feel, loved and I want to, love. Watching a child rejoice at a smallest matter is the most wondrous heart-warming pleasure one can ever experience. Every time after I hanged out with my niece or other small children I don’t know well at some volunteering workplace- whether it be running around in the playground or teaching them how to write – I just feel marvelous and rejuvenated yet again. They have that spark in their eyes that speak of dreams and hopes. It’s like having a sip of the holy water from the fountain of life that I regain the youthful strength to continue with yet another week of challenge. The love for a child is such a powerful reminder in life.

Let us embrace Life and Love fully together this week, wherever you might be in any part of the world!

At the end of the day, let me just say it one more time, “I love you.”

We can argue all we want. We stop communicating with each other. We swear we don’t want to see each other anymore. We fight, we cry. We point our fingers at each other and yell, screaming at the top of our lungs. “You are so wrong. I hate you!”

But we both know, it’s not true.

We know deep inside, we love each other, very very much. We say the opposite because sometimes we feel hurt and misunderstood. We thought if we accused each other of his/her wrong doings, maybe, just maybe, s/he would understand us that we care, that, we just want to be loved and accepted of who we are.

Love doesn’t come easily. Love hurts. It seems ironic, that we hurt the one we love most, and at the same time we are hurt most by the one we love.

Life is contradictory that way. Love is contradictory that way.

Yet we also know, s/he accepts the way we are and is still there for us no matter how ugly the last fight had been.

So although we felt hurt, misunderstood, stabbed-in-the-heart-kind-of-pain by the other party, we still go back to each other, after one day, one week, one year or more. Because, we know, we love each other deeply no matter what.

So let me tell you one more time, like there is no tomorrow, that, “I love you. I truly do. Please forgive me if I ever hurt you so. And I know, you love me too. We are both blessed to have each other in this life, and we should do everything we can to cherish this love.”

At the end of the day, the only thing that we regret most is not to tell each other how much we love and treasure each other…

At the end of the day, let me just say it one more time, “I love you. I truly do.”

It’s all about choices

The choice that we make.

It’s all about choices.


It’s a choice to stay.
It’s a choice to leave.


It’s a choice to remember,
And a choice to forget.


It’s a choice to love.
It’s a choice to not to.


It’s a choice to hate,
And a choice to forgive.


It’s a choice to trust.
It’s a choice to disbelieve.


It’s a choice of faith,
And it’s a choice of doubt.


What is your choice today?

Let things unfold in their own terms.

Should we trust our own instinct?

Sometimes I just feel like doing whatever I feel like doing. Or more than sometimes. More like a lot of the times. Other times I just try to control myself not doing the things I feel like doing because I feel they might be wrong and I might feel bad later after having them done.

Sometimes I wonder, what is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Do others feel like this all the time too, all this ups and downs emotion like roller coaster? Or is it an excuse for being an artist, I just have to feel like this for the sake of my art?

I don’t know. I don’t really have an answer for that. I just want to feel more stable emotionally. But I do feel sometimes, when I am more calm emotionally with less ups and downs, my creativity suffers a little, or more than a little.

Anyway, that’s just the way life is, isn’t it?

Like the way it says in this book I’ve been reading, the Meditator’s Guide, that change is constant, so it’s part of my life to feel joyful and serene at times and lost and restless at the other. When we accept the constant change of state of mind and emotion instead of trying to stay always in happiness and contentment (because we can never been satisfied all the time, let’s face it), then we will have no more suffering, because we are not trying to be anything. We are just being us and accept the situation as is. Like when we miss someone but we do not want to keep thinking about them, if we force ourselves to not thinking about them, what happens is that we would keep thinking about them and start getting upset or even depressed about why we cannot stop thinking about these people! Instead we should just let this thought happen and watch it rise and fall as is. Just accept its presence, observe it and let it happen. Don’t try to control it. Eventually, you would find it leave quickly as well, much quicker than you try to push it away.

It’s the same for things that we want them to happen. When we keep thinking why they don’t happen just yet, we need to understand things sometimes do not happen at the time we want them to. Of course there are things we need to do sometimes to make the things we want to happen happen. But they still might appear at their own terms, since I am sure these things are not controlled by us who are not the only party of the whole situation here, as there are other parties involved in having those things we want to happen happen as well. So what we can do is to do our best in the situation and just wait. Wait for the other parties to respond and contribute to the situation and make it happen. And in the meantime, forget about when it’s going to happen. Simply let it unfold in its own term, because, sometimes, or most of the time really, when we force something to happen or even just happen earlier, when we desire, we suffer. When we want, we are dissatisfied when our needs are not met. So just try our best, and watch. Let things happen when their time comes. If they happen, great. If they don’t, we did not waste time in worrying about when they would happen between now and then, right?

I hope you all are having a peaceful and mindful week, my wonderful readers.