Love is love is love

Love is love is love

Love is inexplicable. 

You love a song, a book, a hobby, a place, a person. 

Yes you can explain in great details why you love them, the most technical analytical way.

But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the feeling, the sensation inside your body they have given you. the chill and the joy you feel when you think about them or best,  experience them. 

There is this exhilarating joy you don’t even know where it comes from. But you feel it and it is real to you. You don’t even know how to describe it exactly to anyone else, but certainly those who have experienced that feeling would understand it in their own way.

There is also this true sense of pure contentment about life. You feel complete and whole. You feel life is so great, and you are invincible. You never feel so alive before. Now you know how to live for the first time.

You find love is real, even the finding seems unreal to you. You live in a paradise right now you never knew it existed.

Suddenly everything is perfect and nothing can get to you. You are just so happy and content you don’t even bother to have a small cringe on your face. You just can’t.

Your mouth is in the constant state of curling up. Somehow it doesn’t know how to curl down at its two corners anymore. You are simply too happy to do so.

Your heart is pure and its in its right place. It’s calm and it’s passionate and its full and its clear. Mostly it’s beating as hard as it has ever been. It’s alive!

Love is love is love is love is love.  It is explicable and it is inexplicable.

Namaste.

SelfWonder

It’s time to stop running.

Fight for what you want.

Not because for anyone.

But for yourself.

Understand sometimes, when you love someone, it doesn’t mean you stay with him/her.

Understand sometimes, it means you set him/her free exactly because you love him/her and want him/her to be truly happy.

Understand sometimes, there are circumstances that are out of your control and you just have to accept the way they are. And be okay with it.

Loving someone does not mean you stay with that someone forever.

Truly loving someone means you do what is best for that someone, even if it hurts you to the core. But you still do it because of that love you share/d.

Accept that there is not always happiness.

And that true happiness includes occasional sorrow.

There is no joy without pain.

Deal with it. Accept it.

Know that everything is permanently impermanent.

Enjoy the permanence while you are at it.

Love when you can. Live when you can. Fully, contentedly, purposefully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am glad I was abused.

I was trashed to the bottom.

I was called “stupid”, I was told “worthless”, I thought I was ugly.

For the longest time I thought I really was good for nothing and no one, not even for myself.

Who the hell was I? I was nobody. Even later in my life people had been telling me how great I was, I didn’t believe in them.

Because I didn’t believe in ME.

With years of working with myself, working through the past, understanding how I really was, I knew, I knew I was great.

Yet, sometimes, I went back to thinking, hmm maybe I was not.

But not anymore now. I am done.

And I am truly glad that I had a horrible scarred past.

I am glad that I was abused and hurt deeply.

You know why?

Because, what didn’t kill me did make me stronger.

I have done my work with my past.

I have become increasingly resilient.

I bounce back quicker and quicker from downfall.

I shut down enemies’ unsubstantiated attack , fake friends’ deceitful concern, and liars’ tempting lures.

I know my worth, my strength, my ability, and my purpose.

If you are at the state of self-doubt/lost/unsure of yourself, your life or your purpose, watch this movie. I am sure you are not as bad as where she was.

Ok, maybe you are not as intelligent as she is, or you don’t want to go to Harvard (!), but you know, you have been given LIFE, and what it will turn out from now on is up to YOU. And you are the one who can make a GREAT LIFE ahead. There is plenty of TIME for you to live a purposeful, wonderful life for YOURSELF.

So please, again, watch the whole movie. Have some patience to watch through especially the beginning, which is a little slow, but important, as you can have (if only) a little taste of what she had gone through in her childhood.

I hope to be as resilient as Liz is.

Peace, people,

Self Wonder x

 

“I fucking love you.”

I think I fell in love tonight.

I never had this feeling before. Ever.

It was this most joyful kind of shivering deep inside my body when I was taking a cab on my way home from a fabulous i dinner followed by a walk at the beach.

The moment was so…beautiful.

And I felt truly deeply happy. Profoundly so.

And then I knew. I love this person.

I love this person so very much, so heart felt deeply inside my heart, like I have never loved before (I probably never had now I think about it). This, my friend, is real love. And I experienced it tonight.

I just know that I truly, genuinely, unconditionally love this person.

I love this person not because of the great brain, the beautiful smile, the nice body, the sexiness, the compassion, kindness and love, the talent and intelligence possessed etc (according to other people’s observation). I just love. I would love if this person appears ugly dumb or useless. I still love if this person is depressed, annoyed, angry and crazy sometimes. I also love even when this person is clumsy and silly or shy and asociable, or sometimes very bubbly and talkative and makes jokes that are not funny, or becomes all of a sudden serious and quiet. I just love all of it.

“I fucking love you.”

I said to myself tonight.

Something Profound.

Today I yearn for something profound.

As I find everyone is just so shallow. Or at least the way s/he is living in. But hey, if s/he chooses to do so, that really means s/he is shallow because s/he cannot care less one way or other? Doesn’t really think about living his/her life to the fullest? Or at least doing/feeling something meaningful or purposeful? Something more deep and … profound? – I just don’t know what other word to use than this. “Profound” is simply, profound. And I just want to be, in awe with it.

And I am not even smoking anything. Absolutely nothing. Maybe I would feel better smoking something. But I don’t really.

Tonight I watched a movie called “Boy meets Girl”. Hey, before you want to judge me, it is not the kind of cheesy movie you are thinking of. I mean, it was a little profound. Or at least, thought-provoking. And I just feel, a tiny bit, just a tiny weeny tinny bit, like the transvestite. Not that I am or want to be one. Ever. I really don’t think so, or have every fantasized of becoming one. Nope. A woman’s body is too precious and beautiful to be ruined by a phallic symbol  (and two disgusting sagging balls on the loose like two Adam’s apples dangling at the neck of a cock, I mean a rooster), seriously.

I just felt (feel), misunderstood.

Anyhow, I still yearn for something profound. I don’t exactly know what it is. Perhaps something spiritual, or something bigger than the human kind. Anyhow, human is shit. Seriously. There is nothing more disgusting and evil than the human race, I can assure you on that one. Doesn’t mean all humans are foul. No, because obviously, you are so very kind to be reading my post right now that, you must be a very sweet and generous person, right? Hahaha… 😀

Okay, I am going to bed. Peace out.

SelfWonder x

P.S. I DO like my name, don’t y’all?

The No! and YES! to the new quarter of 2015

The No! first (say BYE to the last quarter and all the wrongs behind)- ended as of March 31, 2015 :

1. Fuck love. (the fake ones anyway)

2. Fuck men. (or more appropriately, they can go fuck themselves, those ungrateful bastards)

3. Fuck those selfish, life sucking, grumpy, non-supportive, take-you-for-granted people. (and that can include family)

4. Fuck men you fucked before who were too stupid and egoistic enough to see that you were the best thing ever happened to them. They can now really go fuck themselves (coz you are not there anymore, and yes, it seems redundant as no.2, but I am still going to repeat this).

5. Fuck stress and anger.

6. Fuck boredom and emotion.

7. Fuck being poor and worried about $$$.

8. Fuck being disorganized and lost in life (all aspects: personal, work, financial, diet etc).

9. Fuck not supporting yourself and love yourself (coz you totally deserve to be supported and loved).

10. Fuck being a chick shit and fear of taking risk.

THE MOST INTERESTING WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE… :

And now to the YES!!! to a new beautiful positive fun awesome life – starting as of April 1 2015 which is TODAY! :

1. ME: Love Me. Me. Me.

2. Business. $$$.

3. Adventure. Wherever life takes me.

4. Health (all aspects). FUN.

5. Live my life, like I have never lived before.

6. Love. (if I ever find it, I know contradictory to the top 1, so I have reservations on this point).

7. True friends. Form a trust circle with them.

8. Create something that is larger than life: Art.

9. Create something that is larger than my life: Helping people and change the world for the better. Create jobs for others. bring them education. Bring them freedom.

10. Always. Always. Be True to myself.

A New Beginning

It’s just the fifth day of the new year. And I have already made some dramatic decisions. I really have decided solidly this time and stick to them this year. I hope it will help me achieve what I want myself and my life to be.


Forget about whatever happened in the past. Not just 2014. But the whole past. Leave anything you don’t want behind. And move forward. There is no better time than now, today, this very hour, this very minute. Take charge of your life and make yourself happy. Let others who want to make you happy come into your life. And let go of those who don’t. Because you deserve to be happy. Because you deserve the very best out of your precious beautiful wonderful life.


“It’s just the fifth day of the new year. ”
And it’s funny. I can also put it in another way:
“It’s already the fifth day of the new year.”
So I guess it depends on how you look at things. Or life.


Happy new year to you all, even it is just/already the fifth day of it. I wish you all have a wonderful year ahead full of beautiful adventure and surprises filled with happiness, wonder and Love.


Self Wonder x

Overcoming Fear

Perhaps I have not been grateful enough.

I always ask, when things don’t go smoothly as I want to, “Why me?? Why do I always have to suffer?” I would feel the whole world has conspired to fight against me.

I guess I have been too narcissistic. Too much ego. Who cares so much about me anyway?

And I always say I am here in this world to help others. Sounds very cathartic, doesn’t it?

I still think that’s my life purpose, to serve and inspire others. But, I come to realize, if I don’t start taking better care of myself, I won’t be able to fully utilize my talent to live up to the life purpose I aspire to.

So, starting from today, I learn to love and take care of myself more. I start to understand and address my emotion first before others. I need to be able to truly express how I feel about things and people without the fear that I might not be accepted. I want to be living mindfully every single day, remembering all the great things and people I have in life without too much worry about tomorrow whether I continue to have them or not.

Thank you Thay for your words. You truly inspire me. What a great master in life and writing. I think I really need to study my French harder in order to understand all his talks.

But for now, I will finish this book first 🙂

Try it. It’s fun and inspiring !

“I am Proud of You.”

I’ve been waiting for my whole life. To hear that line.

To feel, to understand, to be appreciated.

Sometimes I feel, I don’t need it. I don’t need anyone’s approval.

What am I, a four-year-old child? A pet?

At times I feel, I don’t need anyone anymore. I can live off on a remote island, in the countryside alone, or some monastery, being religious, devoted fully to God and all.

But I also understand, I need connection.

I, however tough that I am, however independent that I am, I, do need people.

People to love, people to be in love with, people to love one another.

That is what life is worth living for.

We all, need that connection in life.

No one is an island.

So, no matter where you are, how you are doing, what situation you are in, how you are feeling.

I want you to know, that I, am absolutely proud of you.

I am proud of who you are, what you have gone through and still are staying strong.

I am proud of you, even at times you feel you cannot keep going on, you still try to hang in there, that even you might numb yourself at night with whatever means you get to and are comfortable with, you still wake up in the next morning/day, try to be someone, try to make something of yourself. You still try to work hard and be the best for those around you, especially for those you are close to. Because you know, deep inside, you want to show them that you care about them, that they would still stand up every day and try to make the best out of themselves no matter how tough the situation they are in.

It’s called “pay it forward.”

Because, when you try to be tough and caring for someone else, you also gain another day to live.

Helping others helps yourself. It’s that simple.

So today, get out there, and help others. Focus on other people, especially when you feel like you can’t keep going on.

When you focus on helping others, you feel good. And then you understand, even when you feel you are absolutely helpless/worthless, you, are enough. You are important to others. And you know that deep inside you. You only need to be reminded. By focusing on others.

So today, no matter how terrible you got knocked down yesterday. You get back up. And you go out there, and be who you want to be.

Because you my Friend, are worth it.

And I your Friend, am proud of you. Absolutely, 100% proud of you.

Peace out. Namaste.

Be good to yourself. Be proud. And be strong.

What matters most…

Everyday is the day to make that change, to become the person you always want to be.

The day is today.

Seize every chance you get. Take it. And do it.

Make every minute count. Live every day as if it’s the last day of your life. You don’t know how long your life would last. Don’t leave anything undone and any words unsaid.

The moment is now.

Make it happen.

Do it now. Say it now.

Make it NOW.