Stop complaining and start living !

Life is Beeeeautiful! La vie est très très belle!

There were times I felt that life was unfair for me. I wished I were born in a wealthier and more educated family, that I were raised by a pair of more caring and loving more encouraging and less abusive parents, that I were
given more opportunities while young to learn, explore and see the world, etc etc. I felt jealous when I saw others had more resources and were grown up with better background. I just wished I were given the same that I knew I could have achieved even more than them…

But those wishes are over. First is that I know and accept that life is indeed unfair. How about those children who are growing up in third world countries, with extreme poverty and even worse, in war zone day in and day out, with no clear water, no electricity, no food, no safety, and no education? Perhaps even without parents? How about those women, who are looked down as the second class citizens, who are threatened, punished or even killed when raped? Do I have more to complain about now?

I know, I was lack of many things, yet I also know, I have a lot to be thankful for. I remember my mother used to say to me whenever I felt frustrated with where my life was going, “you are not at the bottom of the pyramid, and you are not at the top. You are in much better position than many people.” To that I annoyingly replied, “yes mother that is true, but you cannot compare me to those at the bottom! I want to be better and go up and higher!” I was always very grumpy and upset when things did not go exactly the way I wanted them to be.
Last night, after dinner with my parents, I suddenly said to my mother, “I think I am alright. I look okay, I have a decent work and income, I get to do things and travel when I like to, I have many basic needs covered. I think I have a good life: I am quite satisfied and I should be content and grateful at this stage, although certainly I still want to and would improve myself in many ways.” I could tell that my mother was a little surprised by my comments, to which she responded with a gentle nod of consent.

I am still from time to time dissatisfied with many aspects of my life and myself: the way I look, the body I have, the career I take, the relationships I am in… Nonetheless, in the middle of this dissatisfaction and the swirl of this chaotic world, I know very well that, there is so much that I should be and am grateful for, that I have a wonderful life, because, I get to live, I get to breathe, I get to see, hear and feel; I get to enjoy my life on my own and share it with others, and, I get to write it down for you to read here. Life is absolutely amazing and fantastic this way, don’t you think so?

I hope you are all having an awesome week!

Live. Love. Matter.

Today I want to share with you all this message today:


Live. Love. Matter.

– by Brendon Burchard


I know, this guy might sound a bit repetitive and too energetic and positive to the point annoying at times, but hey, I think it really works, at least for him, and I believe for a lot of his readers like me as well.

His recurring idea is, “At the end of our lives, we are going to ask ourselves these three questions:”


Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?


If you are going to watch only one video of his, this is it: here you go:
Brendon Burchard


(Anyway, the other videos of his are quite redundant after a while.)


I also found this other video on another website, but this site posts clearly the ten points from the video so if you don’t have time to watch the whole thing you can still benefit from reading the mina points quickly):


https://www.briantracy.com/blog/business-success/brendon-burchard-asks-did-i-live-did-i-love-did-i-matter/


So, that’s what I have been thinking, what is my niche, what is my expertise, what should I be doing or changing to become bigger and more inspiring to other people and make a difference to the world?

It turns out I don’t have to move away from what I am already doing and what I already know. I only have to focus on it and become the expertise that everyone goes to.

And you know how I discovered that? I asked for help. By talking about it with other people who knows you and in the business, they helped me clarify my ideas. Instead of trying to figuring out all by myself in my head and do things on my own, I took time to clear my mind and discuss with others. That was such an awesome mind-blowing experience. Now I know what to do! Hurray!!

I believe everyone has a mission in life, only s/he hasn’t found out what it is yet. Keep searching, at the same time keep living. Focus on this moment, right here right now. When you worry too much about the future, it makes your head even more messed up. I’ve been there, done it, and am trying not to go there that often!

You all have a fantastic weekend, you lovely people out there! SelfWonder xoxo

Hold on to what you believe in and keep going !

NOW is the time to make what you want happen!

Today I had a little chat with a friend, and she said to me, “my friend told me, if there’s one thing that keeps coming back to you in your mind that just seems not going away, then you know, it is something you truly want to do and make it happen.”

I have been having thoughts about a project that I want to do. Every time when I ask myself, “what is the one thing you truly want to make it happen?” And the idea of this project just pops up in my head. Sometimes I have doubts about it. I wonder, this is so hard to do, should I do it? Am I, me, capable of making this happen?

A friend said to me the other day when I asked him about this project, “you know, we are all going to get old and die some day, so there is no time in wasting thinking about if this is going to work or not. Just take the chance and try it out. At least you have tried if it really doesn’t work.” I guess he is right about that. We only have one life to live no? Why don’t we take the chance in everything we’ve been given to? I do think there is a reason when we encounter certain things and people in different stages of life, and there is a purpose in each of our own lives that we have to live up to. When we believe they we have found that purpose and our niche, that’s it. We have to keep pushing forward and own it. As I quoted before in my previous post, live the charged life that always take us out of our comfort zone a bit, just a bit is enough.

I shall keep my faith on what I believe in and keep going.

My dear readers, what is the one thing you truly believe in and want to make it happen so badly?

I hope you all have a great weekend ahead.

Love is not perfect, but the struggle makes it stronger.

To love or not to love, that is the question.

I just want to say what’s on my mind about you and that’s it. You don’t have to do anything about it. Just please read this through.

I think when two person meet, there is a reason for that. There is already a connection between the two and there is a lesson to learn from each other. From our brief encounter I would say you can be a loving and caring person, but perhaps from your past experience you were hurt and you shut down easily when you encountered some initial failure during our meetings because you wanted to stop being hurt and feeling pain again. You have to know that you are not the only one who is afraid of that feeling. Being vulnerable in love and relationship can be the worst feeling in the world, but without it one will not be able to experience love in its true form. It is indeed a very scary thing. I am afraid of that feeling as well. But I also want to try again and have that true form of love again, no matter how much and/or if it’s going to hurt again. Well I am still scared of that but I am willing to take the risk with the right person.

I know you have the same question,
how do we know if that’s the right person? I don’t know for sure either. But like you said, if you feel that’s the right person, then that’s it. Maybe that’s it, I am not sure myself either. It can be anyone you feel s/he is, you just can never be sure until you really have tried your best to find out. After all, I think, love is a choice. But love is a feeling and faith as well. One has to be brave enough to take that leap of faith and jump right in, and be courageous enough to stick with it and work on it with the other person. Love is a wonderful feeling isn’t it?

You told me you felt empty. I did not forget about the reason why you felt so. But I want to tell you that you do not have to feel that way. You need to love yourself well first. You are a fine person and you really should know and address that in your mind. If you don’t know that then let me tell you again and again: you are a wonderful and loving person, please love yourself first, then start to love others, because you are full of love and are capable of giving and receiving love in return. If you really do not want to feel empty anymore, please, start loving yourself now and start loving the person you want to be in love with. Then, the love you will receive from the one you love shall fill your heart fully, because it is a love of interaction and co-dependence. It is a love of giving and receiving. It is a love of acceptance and forgiveness. It is a love in its true sense of form. Love between two person is not perfect, there is always struggle, we all have to accept that and work with that. But when we stand firm and deal with that struggle with our partner together, we make that love and bond stronger every single day and every single time we tackle a new obstacle. Or at least that is what I believe in.

So there you go. This is pretty much what I wanted to tell you. You gave me something that I thought I would never feel again. For that I thank you. Now good luck and have a good life. I wish you will find your true love. And myself mine as well.

I am scared. Yet I am excited.

I am scared.

I am going away for a few days, on my own, out of a whim, again.
Last time I did something like this was last October, around the time of my birthday. Eventually someone followed me all the way to another country, but that’s another story.

Usually when I take a solo trip, I am particularly excited. This time, for some reason, I am feeling a bit nervous. Why? Well, it’s not like it’s the first time that I have not booked a place to stay before I arrive the destination. And it’s not like it’s the first time I do not know what I am going to do in the country I am going. But somehow, I am just a little scared. I feel something out of the ordinary is going to happened. I wonder what it is, I sure hope it will be something great. After all, I am taking a few days off to flee from my stressful daily life, to escape from my work and personal problems.

Before I decided to leave, my mentor said to me, “the only thing that you talk about is work. And you are so overwhelmed with it that there seems to be no priorities in all these tasks that you want to do. You really have to prioritize and choose the top two to three tasks that are of most importance to you and deal with them first.”

I suddenly realized that she was right. My head was completely messed up and stuck with all the things I wanted to do. But one could only do so many things at one time. So I decided to take a few days off away from my daily life and take a look at what my priorities really were.

First I figure, my priorities of the week are my faith, my health and taking rest.

Second, I need to clean my mind, by not thinking about work (too much). By creating space in my head, I will be able to think and imagine something new and great, at least that’s what I believe.

Still, I am truly excited. It’s 1am right now and I am waiting for boarding to the unknown for the next few days. Wish my luck, my readers.

Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

On the eve of my Valentine’s Day this year, I worked, with two guys, in front of some fancy couples in a fancy place, with a fancy dress on.

I think it was a pretty good way to spend my Valentine’s evening, not that I would not want to spend some time with my loved one, only for the first thing I don’t have one (yet), and the second I rather enjoyed doing what I loved and made a living that way.

Actually it felt nice to earn money on a Valentine’s Day instead of spending it haha.

All the holidays and celebrations have become very commercial nowadays. It’s all about how much money you put into it, or else it might seem you are not putting enough effort to show how much you love the others.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing wrong with showering your love on the one you really adore. But, I don’t think how much you love the person should be equal to how much money you spend on him/her.I would rather think it’s the effort that counts more.

And, it’s not just about that one day you show your love with material things. It’s about the day to day care for that person you truly love.

Maybe I am being too idealistic, but isn’t what in sickness and in health really means?

Well, I have not come to that point to say and promise that to someone (yet or ever), but it doesn’t matter if one is married legally or not – what I mean is written and signed on a paper, it’s more about the faith and promise you make with each other in words and more importantly, actions.

Okay, fine, I am idealistic and romantic at heart, sue me. I just cannot help it. One cannot change the fundamentals of who she really is. And I am learning to accept the way I truly am, a person of too high moral standard and human virtues for modern standard.

I only hope I can meet someone like that (not confined to life partner only), so that I can build my community of love for myself to be in it.

Until then, happy (belated) Valentine’s Day everyone. I hope you all have/had a good one, a day blessed with true love, my beautiful readers.

I am the one and only. So are you.

You are the one and only.

Self Wonder

You are the one and only.

I am the one and only. So are you.

I am precious and special. So are you, my dear.

I am loving and caring, cold outside but warm inside. And so are you, my darling.

I am passionate yet gentle. So are you, my love.

I am sensitive and emotional, seemingly aloof yet vulnerable deep down.  So are you,  my honey.

Do you understand and know that we are so alike?

Can we come to the conclusion that we are the same kind of person and we need a lot of patience and effort in order to be together ? Perhaps like you said, strong will? That is if we really want to, both of us. We need to work together to make this happen, to make us happen. But I do think, if we try and make it happen, it can be so…

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I am the one and only. So are you.

You are the one and only.

I am the one and only. So are you.

I am precious and special. So are you, my dear.

I am loving and caring, cold outside but warm inside. And so are you, my darling.

I am passionate yet gentle. So are you, my love.

I am sensitive and emotional, seemingly aloof yet vulnerable deep down.  So are you,  my honey.

Do you understand and know that we are so alike?

Can we come to the conclusion that we are the same kind of person and we need a lot of patience and effort in order to be together ? Perhaps like you said, strong will? That is if we really want to, both of us. We need to work together to make this happen, to make us happen. But I do think, if we try and make it happen, it can be so right and so very good, so very good…

I am the one and only. And so are you.

Maybe I was wrong.

Love is Hard.

I guess I thought I had been right all along, my darling.

I thought it had been your fault, that you were being defensive, sensitive, emotional, and cowardly, that you were the one who did not open up to me. I did not understand why you were being silent and cold, that you could be so sweet at times and aloof at other. I thought that was why we did not get along.

Now I have the moment to sit alone, to think and feel. I start to wonder, maybe, just maybe, it’s me too? Maybe, just maybe, I am also being too hard on you, by acting a little defensive, sensitive, emotional and cowardly to you too?

You said, it shouldn’t be so hard right from the start already. I thought so too. But, now I come to think of it, maybe, just maybe, it should be. Relationship is hard, it’s never easy. If we want easy, we go to the bar and hook up with someone. That, is easy, and fun, and you don’t have to deal with that person the day after. And then, you can always find someone new day after day, night after night. But that, is not a relationship. At least, not a relationship that we both want, with each other.

I know, you have retrieved your emotion from me. I could feel it the other night as we walked back to my place, you were there physically, but not emotionally for me anymore. The connection was paused, or even stopped. Now I wonder, would you ever start that connection we once had again?

I get it. It is possible that we are not made for each other. But, I still think, we should give us one more try. That is, if you want to too. If not, I will not force you. I will let you go and find the one who is better for you.

For me, I want someone to stay for the long haul. So I need someone who is strong enough to face the constant challenges in a long-term relationship. I want a life partner, who is going to be there for me for both the good times and the bad times, and me him as well. I would understand if you are not the one for me and me you. Then, we should part our ways civilly, because after all, we are adults, we can be mature like that, can’t we?

Still, I feel, there is something between us unresolved. I do wonder, what is it you want to talk to me about?

Was I wrong about me, or was I wrong about us? …

I hope I get my answer very soon.

Love is Hard. Relationship is Harder.

I don’t know what to say to you, my dear.

No Words…

I don’t know what to say to you, my dear.

I don’t know what I can do to make you happier.

I don’t know what you are thinking, about me, about us.

Can you please just talk to me, my darling?

I just have no clue.

Although we have not met for long, I feel, I want you. I feel, I need you in my life.

I feel, I want to love you. And I want you to love me back too.

But why has it been so hard for us, to understand each other, even when we both want each other so badly?

I don’t understand why.

Can you just talk to me, tell me what you are feeling and thinking? Tell me everything, my darling. I want to know everything about you. I do, I really do. I just don’t know how.

Sometimes when I see you, I feel like the happiest person alive. I don’t care about anyone and anything else around us. The other day we were in the park, lying on the grass, surrounded by so many strangers. We just focused on each other, and we completely forgot about where we were and what was going on around us. We just held on to each other, and we felt, complete with each other. Time stood still, or simply, we just forgot about its existence. Can we do that once again? Can we try this once more? Can we start all over again?

I need you. I really do. I want you, I really do. I want to understand every little thing and every little feeling about you. Can you just give me one more chance to know you?

Please. I am still here to stay. I still want to make it work. I really think, if we can get this through, we can be so good together. Don’t you think so too? You told me so the other day…

Please stay with me and try one more time, I am begging you. And I never beg anyone ever in my life.

I still want you. And I still want to love you. Would you let me to? And would you try to love me too?

I’ll be seeing you soon. I will make it work. We, will make it work, won’t we?

Let’s try again from the start. Here we go, 1, 2, 3…

I’ll be thinking about you and missing you until I see you again.

I will know what to say to you then, my dear. I will. I will…