You love a song, a book, a hobby, a place, a person.
Yes you can explain in great details why you love them, the most technical analytical way.
But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the feeling, the sensation inside your body they have given you. the chill and the joy you feel when you think about them or best, experience them.
There is this exhilarating joy you don’t even know where it comes from. But you feel it and it is real to you. You don’t even know how to describe it exactly to anyone else, but certainly those who have experienced that feeling would understand it in their own way.
There is also this true sense of pure contentment about life. You feel complete and whole. You feel life is so great, and you are invincible. You never feel so alive before. Now you know how to live for the first time.
You find love is real, even the finding seems unreal to you. You live in a paradise right now you never knew it existed.
Suddenly everything is perfect and nothing can get to you. You are just so happy and content you don’t even bother to have a small cringe on your face. You just can’t.
Your mouth is in the constant state of curling up. Somehow it doesn’t know how to curl down at its two corners anymore. You are simply too happy to do so.
Your heart is pure and its in its right place. It’s calm and it’s passionate and its full and its clear. Mostly it’s beating as hard as it has ever been. It’s alive!
Love is love is love is love is love. It is explicable and it is inexplicable.
It is a decent legitimate question, and a question that I ask myself from time to time, often replacing the number “five” with “three” or “ten”.
Suddenly, it dawns on me that, the question I should ask myself is,
“Where do I want to be in my life years?”
The question is not about three or five or ten years anymore. It is about the lifetime, the lifetime ahead that is left for me.
The direction for that answer becomes completely different.
It is not with whom I want to be right now. It is with whom I want to be for my life, the person who would add value and color to my life, which would become bigger, brighter and with more substance.
It is not with whom I can have fun right now, rather it is the person with whom I can have long term fun and adventure with.
It is not what I can do to make a living right now, but, the kind of work I can make good living and at the same time spend my life adding value to and feeling joy with myself and others.
It is not where I want to be for five years anymore, rather, it is a space and a community in which I can be the person I want to be, with that person I can be with, and that work I can do in the long run.
It is not the life I want to be in for now, but the lifestyle I can live with freely, joyfully, positively and with the least restraint and constraint I can have.
As I find everyone is just so shallow. Or at least the way s/he is living in. But hey, if s/he chooses to do so, that really means s/he is shallow because s/he cannot care less one way or other? Doesn’t really think about living his/her life to the fullest? Or at least doing/feeling something meaningful or purposeful? Something more deep and … profound? – I just don’t know what other word to use than this. “Profound” is simply, profound. And I just want to be, in awe with it.
And I am not even smoking anything. Absolutely nothing. Maybe I would feel better smoking something. But I don’t really.
Tonight I watched a movie called “Boy meets Girl”. Hey, before you want to judge me, it is not the kind of cheesy movie you are thinking of. I mean, it was a little profound. Or at least, thought-provoking. And I just feel, a tiny bit, just a tiny weeny tinny bit, like the transvestite. Not that I am or want to be one. Ever. I really don’t think so, or have every fantasized of becoming one. Nope. A woman’s body is too precious and beautiful to be ruined by a phallic symbol (and two disgusting sagging balls on the loose like two Adam’s apples dangling at the neck of a cock, I mean a rooster), seriously.
I just felt (feel), misunderstood.
Anyhow, I still yearn for something profound. I don’t exactly know what it is. Perhaps something spiritual, or something bigger than the human kind. Anyhow, human is shit. Seriously. There is nothing more disgusting and evil than the human race, I can assure you on that one. Doesn’t mean all humans are foul. No, because obviously, you are so very kind to be reading my post right now that, you must be a very sweet and generous person, right? Hahaha… 😀
The No! first (say BYE to the last quarter and all the wrongs behind)- ended as of March 31, 2015 :
1. Fuck love. (the fake ones anyway)
2. Fuck men. (or more appropriately, they can go fuck themselves, those ungrateful bastards)
3. Fuck those selfish, life sucking, grumpy, non-supportive, take-you-for-granted people. (and that can include family)
4. Fuck men you fucked before who were too stupid and egoistic enough to see that you were the best thing ever happened to them. They can now really go fuck themselves (coz you are not there anymore, and yes, it seems redundant as no.2, but I am still going to repeat this).
5. Fuck stress and anger.
6. Fuck boredom and emotion.
7. Fuck being poor and worried about $$$.
8. Fuck being disorganized and lost in life (all aspects: personal, work, financial, diet etc).
9. Fuck not supporting yourself and love yourself (coz you totally deserve to be supported and loved).
10. Fuck being a chick shit and fear of taking risk.
THE MOST INTERESTING WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE… :
And now to the YES!!! to a new beautiful positive fun awesome life – starting as of April 1 2015 which is TODAY! :
1. ME: Love Me. Me. Me.
2. Business. $$$.
3. Adventure. Wherever life takes me.
4. Health (all aspects). FUN.
5. Live my life, like I have never lived before.
6. Love. (if I ever find it, I know contradictory to the top 1, so I have reservations on this point).
7. True friends. Form a trust circle with them.
8. Create something that is larger than life: Art.
9. Create something that is larger than my life: Helping people and change the world for the better. Create jobs for others. bring them education. Bring them freedom.
It’s just the fifth day of the new year. And I have already made some dramatic decisions. I really have decided solidly this time and stick to them this year. I hope it will help me achieve what I want myself and my life to be.
Forget about whatever happened in the past. Not just 2014. But the whole past. Leave anything you don’t want behind. And move forward. There is no better time than now, today, this very hour, this very minute. Take charge of your life and make yourself happy. Let others who want to make you happy come into your life. And let go of those who don’t. Because you deserve to be happy. Because you deserve the very best out of your precious beautiful wonderful life.
“It’s just the fifth day of the new year. ”
And it’s funny. I can also put it in another way:
“It’s already the fifth day of the new year.”
So I guess it depends on how you look at things. Or life.
Happy new year to you all, even it is just/already the fifth day of it. I wish you all have a wonderful year ahead full of beautiful adventure and surprises filled with happiness, wonder and Love.
Love has no boundary,
No matter,
Old or young,
Healthy or sick,
Any gender,
Any space,
Any life,
Any object.
Love has no distance,
No matter,
Near or far,
Alive or dead,
It’s present in our heart,
Forever and ever.
Love knows no fear,
Love conquers.
Love stands no lies,
Love trusts.
Love is hope,
Love Is faith,
Love is strong, and
Love is honest.
Love requires openness.
If you want Love,
You must be ready
To receive it with heart and arms wide open.
Get ready to give and receive,
And let your heart be filled,
Full with the sweet nectar of Love,
And let your body be scented,
All over with its enticing fragrance,
That floats amidst the fresh air of the enchanted chamber.
Love has no boundary,
If you are ready, I am here.
I love reading on Craigslist. Especially the personal section.
Actually, mainly the personal section.
Of course I would also go to the community section or job section sometimes. Or sales section to see if anyone sells some decent furniture etc. But still, mainly the personal section.
And mostly, the men seeking women (msw) and the strictly platonic. Sometimes the missed connection and the rants and raves. But the latter two are usually boring and not much going on there.
I browse the msw almost everyday. In the city where I live CL is not that common among the locals. Most people who use it are from abroad where they are so used to looking for anything there from rental to sex (well almost the same thing).
I love browsing the personal page a lot. Sometimes I am looking for a good conversation. Other times I am just curious about the posts and more so, the persons who are writing them. The way s/he writes shows to certain extent who s/he is. In fact, just by the way the post is written I can already decide how the person might be like, and if I want to know more or not.
Since I am a female, I mostly read the men seeking women. But sometimes I would also read the women seeking men. The reason is that I like seeing how the stark difference there is between the way women post and men write. In the women seeking men, women are almost always looking for long term relationship, love of their lives, and marriage. In the men seeking women, it’s sex. Well sometimes it says LTR and dating, but they are just synonyms of sex. There are times that say marriage but I figure it’s most likely scams. Ok some might be true, but they are mostly white males in their sixties looking for Asian women in their twenties. It seems gross and almost perverted that way. I don’t know why men think it’s okay to say they want to date someone less than half of their age and do not feel slightly ashamed about it. In fact it seems they are so confident and even proud of their pursuit. They think they have the financial means to save the poor little Asian girls and bring them to the western civilized countries and that makes them crusades or saviors of some sort. I can’t even keep talking about this without feeling almost physically sick.
If this post interests you my readers, I shall write more about my experience on CL.
Today, I think about you. I don’t know why, but once in a while, I think about you. I think about all the witty conversation we had, all the fun times we shared, and all the heartfelt almost intimate moments that we felt…
And I remember, it is your birthday today. If it really is your birthday, I wish you a great year ahead, full of joy and love. The kind of love that you deserve to have, because you are an awesome human being as I have always known you to be, even if you don’t know that yourself.
Everyday is the day to make that change, to become the person you always want to be.
The day is today.
Seize every chance you get. Take it. And do it.
Make every minute count. Live every day as if it’s the last day of your life. You don’t know how long your life would last. Don’t leave anything undone and any words unsaid.
Do it Today!Since you are reading my post now, I am sure that you are, just as I am, eager to make the most out of this precious life and want to know how. I, just like you, have the same exact question, and am desperately looking for the answer.
I am most certain that you have been reading a lot of books and blogs on personal growth, “be positive, charge forward, be courageous and do the best you ever can like there is no tomorrow”, etc etc. You might have also been reading about how those big shots become successful by developing the right kind of mindset, attitude, habit and routine etc etc.
But my first guess is, you,
just like me, have tried to be positive and proactive and tried everything you have read and learnt so far but still haven’t seen much progress or improvement in your personal life or career (maybe it there has been yet it seems unsustainable). You, just like me, are starting to wonder if you are ever going to make something big out of yourselves and make your dreams come true. And you, just like me, would trade almost anything to find out the answer, because I know that you, just like me, are so ready to work every minute of your time and every ounce of your energy, so that you can go full throttle towards realizing your dreams.
I hope so much I have the answer for me that when I am marching forward towards my dream, I can offer it to you and together we can change the world to be a much better and more beautiful place.
Unfortunately, I don’t have my answer just yet, and my second guess is, the answer for me is most likely not the same exact answer for you.
What a pity in life. Wouldn’t it be great if there’s the same solution to the same problem for everyone in the world?
On second thought, not really.
I think each of our lives is unique in its own way. And in order to create our very own special lives individually, we all need to find our own answers and solutions. That is what makes each of our life journey and experience so beautifully unique, each of its own way. And, to be able to live a unique life, each of us will (and has already) go through something marvelous, something brutal, something enjoyable, and something painful. In order to fully understand the meaning of beauty and joy, one must have experienced ugliness and sadness. It’s through all the trial and error does one come to gradually understand him/herself, because believe me, I don’t think you really know who you are inside. I am just starting to know who I really am myself, while for all this time I thought I knew me so well. Sometimes I hide the real me so deep inside me even I have deceived myself all these years. I am just getting to know “me”.
Now I am digging the real me out and getting her to be face to face with the not-so-real-me (ok getting a bit split personality here, I swear I am not crazy… Or aren’t we all a little, crazy?). I want her to tell me the truth. Oh yes, the truth.
“What exactly do you want for your life? I am not talking about what you have done before, or not even what you’ve been doing now. They do not matter. What truly matters is what you do now can give you what you really want in the future, that soon-to-be beautiful life of yours, the dream-come-true. So tell me now, honestly, what do you really want in your life?”
At first, she bites her lips and does not say a word. I await with patience. I know, I have to.
At first, she tries to lie. But I know her after all.
Gradually she starts to become less shy and embarrassed. She starts to talk and feel less ashamed of what she truly wants all this time. She is starting to learn to trust me and reveal her secret, which I believe will lead to the truth, the answer that I have set my eyes for my whole life…
So I think, my dear readers, that it’s
time for you to go dig out the real you who have been living inside you forever, and ask him/her for the truth you so desperately want all these years. I am quite sure that will help you find out the answer on “how to live my life to the fullest”.
Self Wonder 