I am worth my own while.

 

I might have told you many times that I loved Christmas. It is true that I love it so much more than any other holiday seasons throughout the year. Christmas is a time when family – the whole family, the extended families and all – comes together and celebrate. For me, it is not about celebrating Christmas, it is about celebrating Family. Family is about love, sharing, and caring for one another. Family is precious. Perhaps because I never had what I really wanted in a family, it is for me a very special at the same time unavoidably sensitive and emotional topic.

The first morning when I woke up in a foreign country for my Christmas holiday, I had this revelation: I never took myself seriously enough. What I mean is, I never took myself seriously enough for joy and love. I never loved myself and took care of myself seriously. I thought it was not necessary to be comfortable, to ask for what I wanted and go for it. I never took myself seriously enough to try to find someone who was serious enough to love me and be loved by me seriously. Or friends who were worth my while to maintain a true Friendship with. Or go for my passion for what was truly worth my while to fight for and stick with it. I doubted it at the first sign of failure. I left when I felt hurt and that I might not be good/talented enough for the person/my passion. In short, I gave up too easily because I was not sure if it was worth it. 

But this morning, I understood, I AM WORTH IT. I am the only one who is responsible for my own happiness and success in my life. And no one is going to take me seriously if I do not take myself seriously enough in the first place. And for what it is worth, it means from being in a relationship with a friend, to a staff, to a student, to a family member and to a life partner. I did not have the ability or feel I had the worth to ask for what I truly wanted from others because I never took myself seriously enough for others to see what I was truly worth for. And when I say what I was truly worth for, it does not mean in a monetary value. It means I have to honestly display who I am and what I want and ask for the kind of respect I need in a calm, polite, as- a – matter- of -fact way, because that is just what I want and need. 

For all that to happen, I have to start taking myself seriously from now on. For the time I have left in my life ahead, I want to truly live it and go for it, because I am worth it. I am worth my own while to live it. 

Maybe that is what the true purpose of life truly is. 

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas, my dear Readers. And thanks for reading.

Namaste.

Self Wonder x

I went out to look for the sun.

I went out to look for the sun.
It greeted me briefly, with its bright smile and gentle warmth, through the little gap between those crowded buildings.
I kept walking towards it, thinking I was getting closer and closer,
Only to find myself going farther and farther.

With little strength, I traced my way back, to where I had begun.
I kept walking, thinking I had lost the sun, I had lost the sun.
In despair I turned around. And unexpectedly I found, I found the sun.
It was the same strip of bright light penetrated through the little gap between those crowded buildings,
It was where I stood and pondered, upon the miracle of life.
As I continued my journey back to where I had begun, I felt that little warmth from the generous sun,
And I knew, I knew that it has always been there, And it will stay there, forever and ever.
Because, even when I cannot see it by sight, I can feel it by heart,
And now, I know it by faith.
With faith I believe, in eternity.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

This year Christmas means something larger than celebration and holidays for me.

This year, Christmas means remembering the love of God and commemorating the birth of Jesus. Recalling last year of the same time, I was in the lowest point of my life ever. I wanted to end my life so that I would have no more pain and suffering.

But I stopped because people around reminded me of their love and care for me. I paused because I did not want to hurt my Mother.

The past year had been a great great ride, with lots of new experience and adventure. .

And I know for sure, the coming year is going to be even better.

I will learn things, experience and enjoy my life to the level I would have never dreamt of living.

I want to sincerely thank those who have supported me here this past year. I know I have not been writing that much, but this year I will try my very best to keep up with it. I believe this is part of my purpose in life, to write and inspire others, to remind others that life is worth living if you keep trying even though there are occasional failure and obstacles in between.

Merry Christmas to you all and happy holidays!!

And remember to share your love and care with those around you, because love keeps us alive and reminds us life is still worth living after all.