Should we trust our own instinct?
Sometimes I just feel like doing whatever I feel like doing. Or more than sometimes. More like a lot of the times. Other times I just try to control myself not doing the things I feel like doing because I feel they might be wrong and I might feel bad later after having them done.
Sometimes I wonder, what is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Do others feel like this all the time too, all this ups and downs emotion like roller coaster? Or is it an excuse for being an artist, I just have to feel like this for the sake of my art?
I don’t know. I don’t really have an answer for that. I just want to feel more stable emotionally. But I do feel sometimes, when I am more calm emotionally with less ups and downs, my creativity suffers a little, or more than a little.
Anyway, that’s just the way life is, isn’t it?
Like the way it says in this book I’ve been reading, the Meditator’s Guide, that change is constant, so it’s part of my life to feel joyful and serene at times and lost and restless at the other. When we accept the constant change of state of mind and emotion instead of trying to stay always in happiness and contentment (because we can never been satisfied all the time, let’s face it), then we will have no more suffering, because we are not trying to be anything. We are just being us and accept the situation as is. Like when we miss someone but we do not want to keep thinking about them, if we force ourselves to not thinking about them, what happens is that we would keep thinking about them and start getting upset or even depressed about why we cannot stop thinking about these people! Instead we should just let this thought happen and watch it rise and fall as is. Just accept its presence, observe it and let it happen. Don’t try to control it. Eventually, you would find it leave quickly as well, much quicker than you try to push it away.
It’s the same for things that we want them to happen. When we keep thinking why they don’t happen just yet, we need to understand things sometimes do not happen at the time we want them to. Of course there are things we need to do sometimes to make the things we want to happen happen. But they still might appear at their own terms, since I am sure these things are not controlled by us who are not the only party of the whole situation here, as there are other parties involved in having those things we want to happen happen as well. So what we can do is to do our best in the situation and just wait. Wait for the other parties to respond and contribute to the situation and make it happen. And in the meantime, forget about when it’s going to happen. Simply let it unfold in its own term, because, sometimes, or most of the time really, when we force something to happen or even just happen earlier, when we desire, we suffer. When we want, we are dissatisfied when our needs are not met. So just try our best, and watch. Let things happen when their time comes. If they happen, great. If they don’t, we did not waste time in worrying about when they would happen between now and then, right?
I hope you all are having a peaceful and mindful week, my wonderful readers.
Self Wonder 