Last night, I had a conversation with my friend, and he mentioned about this feeling of guilt he had all his life, about how he could have done better for those around him.
Tonight, as I thought about his words, it suddenly dawned on me that I might have had a similar feeling about myself.
I had always felt that I was not good enough and could have been better in various aspects of my life.
I could have done better at school, finished my doctorate degree, earned more money and provided my parents a better living. Or studied in another field and had a more socially acceptable/respectable work, married a husband, and made my family proud.
I could have been smarter, prettier, and more friendly with others.
I could have expressed myself better and more openly towards those I cared.
So many could haves.
Then I realised, what’s with all these could haves?? Why did I have to live in the past??
Maybe it’s true that I could have done better and more, but past is the past and there’s nothing I could do about it now.
And if I kept dwelling in this past, I would not be able to focus on the present, which is all that matter.
So I decided, I shall accept the way I am, be proud of who I am, and love myself exactly as I am right here right now.
I shall maintain good physical, mental and spiritual health, keep myself sane and in line.
This is the only way to live in the present, so that I can focus on what I can do and achieve now, and work on whatever my heart desires.
And I shall do my best for myself and those who need me (one of the many ways includes maintaining this blog here), with all the strength and intelligence that I have now.
Then my life will be well lived.
For those who still think you are guilty of what you could have done better in the past, I sincerely urge you to move on, because you need to accept yourself and love yourself fully before you can do great things and love others, and in return receive love from them.
Live in the present, make your life count, and your effort will be worthwhile.
Self Wonder 